What is your first body memory? What was the moment you realized that you came to Planet Earth with a body?
Was it pleasant – like playing with your parents or your friends? Or was it painful, embarrassing, even traumatic?
Let me tell you mine:
I am about four or five and I’m wearing a very wide red checked dress that my mum made for me. I’m alone in a room sitting on the floor, my tummy is bloated and extremely hard and I am trying to have a poo – sweating in the process.
I remember being there for a while on my own until my sister saw me and told my mum of my suffering…. That is my earliest body memory.
I remember the sense of shame and embarrassment vividly – like it was today.
It was physically painful and emotionally embarrassing – even though it was with my family, who knew of my ailments and my struggles with my gut and digestive
system.
I had many health problems in my childhood that were poorly treated with medication and I developed gut problems that made me so constipated that it would sometimes be 10 or 15 days between one bowel movement and the next. The size of my tummy was unusually big for a little girl, so much so that my mum had to make my clothes herself.
My body in pain, isolation, shame and embarrassment; no much fun for a pre-school girl.
From these physical ailments, and being singled out because of them, I developed a set of beliefs and emotions about my body.
For this little me, recognizing the body was a mixed cocktail of physical pain, along with emotions of shame, embarrassment, self-blame, isolation, victimization, resentment…
My body was the target of this negativity.
As I grew up, I became healthy and very physically active but never happy with my body. I felt fat when I was not, I hid my curves and wore big shirts because I thought my breasts were too big.
My body was the cause of embarrassment and shame and I was in at war against my body until my late thirties.
It was only when I started a journey inward through Yin Yoga, meditation, and journaling that I discovered that the negative beliefs I held around my body were the reason I felt unhappy, disconnected, and disembodied my entire life.
These practices opened me up to an emotional journey which gave me permission to release and let go of the body shame I had carried throughout my life. I had been suppressing and neglecting these emotions in the belief that only by working on my body appearance, shape and weight would I finally feel happy and proud of my body.
It did not work that way.
Through these practices and working with clients, I have learnt that healing the stories ingrained in the cells of our physical body offers a great opportunity to reconcile and reconnect our life within the greater whole of life.
Conscious Movement is a great resource to unveil and heal emotional scars that often are the cause of overeating, binging, emotional eating, orthorexia, and other symptoms that create weight and health problems.
This body and its pains are a gift and a resource to explore shadows, blessings, and pleasure.
This exploration takes courage.
We will encounter dark, unwanted corners, secrets that we have hidden away to protect ourselves and others, but healing our relationship with our body in a sustainable way is always worth it.
ABOUT ROSALBA RANDALL:
The conflicts I had around body and eating have been a gift for me. They have shown me not only a path towards scientific information but also towards a level of self-enquiry and curiosity that I never imagine when I was obsessed about my weight and appearance.
This curiosity has taken me to gain different skills and qualifications: I am a Mind Body Eating Coach, Mind set Transformation Facilitator, Yoga Teacher. I am also dance and Nature Lover. These resources me to support clients in a holistic and versatile way grounded in compassion and understanding of unique needs.
A pillar of the work with my clients is towards empowerment and ownership their own process. I guide them to facilitate the understanding of scientific principles and specially acknowledgement of their body’s needs, in that way they take the lead towards sustainable results.