It’s been nearly 2 years since I graduated from the IPE coach Training which profoundly changed my life. I felt I was given all the tools I needed to help so many others and that I would personally be equipped to deal with anything thrown my way. Gee, was I wrong about the latter.
I was so eager to help others I didn’t give myself the time I needed to really digest and assimilate what I had learned because I did truly believe I was ready. I had done all the work, so of course I was ready, even if the deep life long beliefs of unworthiness, insecurity, and anxiety would be triggered. And they were soon after triggered, in the biggest way I would never have imagined.
An experience rocked my world so much after the disbelief I spiralled into past coping mechanisms, depression, fear, despair and hopelessness. I thought I was being brave by persisting and wanted so much to keep moving forward, but I felt pulled back, pushed back into a place where evil doers wanted me to stay. I was so overwhelmed that I let go of everything and the attack consumed me. I was in a space that didn’t serve me or provide the life and energy I needed, there was no breath I could inhale. Life became frozen and everything hurt.
The trauma then ignited the PTSD of the past and being paralyzed was the best I could do. I had no real desire or ambition to move from this place because it was all too hard. I was scared, like I was as a child, and everything was just too hard; to heal, to make everyone happy, to protect those who had never protected me, to forgive, to live. And mostly too hard to love.
But love was the only real thing I could do for myself.
I focused on loving most of those around me, souls who accepted me as I was. I allowed myself to speak again and shared a lot of time in nature with my dog. I allowed myself to write again, to feel and to laugh. I still felt I was in a dungeon on many levels, but I was letting the love flow as best I could and appreciating the little things. I was still scared and fragile but I kept it simple. I ate healthy foods and all the dark chocolate I needed when it was needed. I was blessed to have friends who are more to me than ‘family’, who helped me to keep moving and proved again to me that life isn’t one mandate we are all expected to follow.
I turn 40 soon and attached are all the ‘expectations’ from myself and others. One of the biggest lessons for me through all of this is don’t be in a rush, be present and enjoy what you are doing. Just because the picture looks perfect now, doesn’t mean there are no cracks and stormy weather yet to come. And when it does, because it will, just let go of what doesn’t serve you and focus on the things and people that do.
Delight in the simple things of love, friendship, experiences and good food which honours where you are right now. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be someone who has it all figured out because you never will, and I don’t believe we are meant to. If you fall back into past behaviours, remind yourself you have been here before and your only visiting to honour that part of you while you need. Your life is your own, even when its not.
Authentic. Holistic. Caring.
Kayla Power holds a Post Graduate degree in HRM, which included psychology and counseling studies.
She is a Psychology of Eating Coach and is completing a degree in Health Science – Nutritional Medicine and Dietetics. Kayla has previously studied theology and traveled to third world countries and volunteered in humanitarian projects and in local community programs including serving the homeless.
She is a believer in body movement and functional medicine with a passion to learn holistically and completed yoga teacher training in 2016. Kayla founded “What is Nutrition to You” (winty) which focuses on Nutritional Psychology, Holistic Health and Essential Oils, to holistically compliment people daily. Kayla’s core values are Compassion, Understanding, Recognition & Encouragement = C.U.R.E