How is it that I didn’t really notice an 80 pound weight gain? My brain knew it. After all, my clothes were evidence; my discomfort was evidence.
But to avoid the pain of REALLY knowing and feeling, I checked out. Not consciously of course. I didn’t say “I’m going to numb myself so I don’t have to think about anything that’s painful”. I just disconnected slowly over time.
It’s easier than you think to check out. I avoided photos and long looks in the mirror. I dodged social situations. I numbed with various numbing agents like books, television, work, and of course, food. Anything that would keep me from confronting the one huge thing (my weight) that everyone in the world could see – except me.
Are you checked out of your life? Are you just going through the motions, settling for a life by default instead of a life you’ve deliberately created?
IT’S TIME TO WAKE UP!
Does this sound like you?
You don’t like your job and are just counting down minutes until the weekend
You come home and binge watch hours of TV
You settle for unfulfilling relationships
You don’t act on your desires because you’re afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone
You don’t live deliberately; you just let life happen to you instead of for you
You don’t have enough joy in your life
You feel like life is passing you by
Why do you sit in front of the TV with a bag of chips or a pint of ice cream? You know it’s not good for you, so why do you do it?
You do it because it brings you comfort or safety. It’s easier to be safe on your sofa than out in the world where’s there’s risk and uncertainty. Who knows what’s “out there”? There could be disappointment, or pain, or people hurting you. You’ll have to feel things. But this is what makes us human. Don’t be afraid of your humanness.
You also stay on the couch with your chips because it has become a habit and now it’s going to take some exertion to get the hell off the couch.
Your toxic beliefs are playing in the background music of your life. “I’m not good enough”, “I always fail when I diet”, “I hate exercise”, “I just can’t lose weight”, or “I’m not good enough the way I am”.
Checking out is ok in the short term if it helps you deal with deep pain. But prolonged periods of unconsciousness will lead to eventual suffering, as it did for me.
Once you’re aware of being checked out, you’re on the path to healing.
When you surrender to life, you are taking a leap of faith that all is well and that life is happening for you. When you check out, you’re being driven by fear, apathy, disconnection, and the toxic belief that life is happening to you.
It’s time to check back in.
Curious. Compassionate. Trustworthy.
Learning to be present and to live deliberately made a huge difference in every aspect of my life. I lost over 50 pounds when I stopped dieting and living on autopilot. I quit my job and took a year off to explore what I wanted to do with my life next. My curiosity and interest in health and nutrition evolved into becoming an Eating Psychology Coach and the creator of SoulfulNourishment.com. I love helping women get off the diet train and live a life by design instead of by default. What a difference it is waking up with purpose each morning. It feels good to be checked in!