I used to think it would be impossible to not give in to a food binge. Sometimes I could put it off for a while, but it would eventually happen; it was just a matter of time. No matter how hard I tried to control it, put it off, or make deals with myself, or how much I meditated or learned, there was a point when something in my being would just take over and consume everything it wanted, leaving me in a puddle of grief, guilt, shame, heaviness, secrecy and fear.
But there was also an element of comfort, safety, and being grounded that the food provided and this is partly what drew me back. Somehow it felt like it helped me cope with my feelings better and it also gave me a false sense of control. After all, no one else could control what I ate.
As time went on, this pattern got more ingrained and familiar to me as I learned to manage and cope with my feelings in this way. I felt trapped with no way out. To make matters worse, my weight went up and down as I unsuccessfully tried to solve the problem with dieting. I was so embarrassed and felt exposed because of having a problem that everyone could see. I wanted to hide, but I couldn’t.
I prayed and wished that someone would just take it away from me somehow. But they didn’t, because something very beautiful was waiting inside for me to discover. I found that it was the doorway to healing and knowing myself in a more intimate and deeper way than ever before.
5 Important things I learned from healing my food challenges:
• I discovered that instead of this struggle being outside myself, I found that every piece of it led to a place inside myself that yearned to be loved, nurtured, and known by me and to be opened to receive from the source of Love.
• I learned how to be with my feelings and emotions as they flow through me and not make myself wrong for them or attach meanings to them.
• I learned to let go of past hurts and resentments and other baggage in order to lighten up.
• I learned to honor myself and my needs and how to be in the world as the sensitive, gentle, intuitive person that I discovered I was.
• I learned to be grateful for all that I learned from this journey that I wouldn’t have learned without it.
I no longer struggle with binging, food, or my body. I care for my body and do exercise that I enjoy so I can feel good and have plenty of energy to do the things I love and be with the people I love so I can give back to the world in the way that only I can give.
A’amina Barbara Arnoth
Gentle. Wise. Compassionate.
A’amina is a Certified Health and Wellness Coach, Eating Psychology Coach, and a Spiritual Healer. She has a M.Div. from the University of Spiritual Healing and Sufism, an M.A. in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica, and Certifications from Institute of Integrative Nutrition and The Institute for the Psychology of Eating. Through her deep insight, knowledge, and gentle way, she has helped many people experience the deep healing they needed to transform their struggles with food, weight, body, health, emotions, and other challenges and live a healthier, more meaningful, divinely inspired, and connected life. A’amina helps women find a healthy, loving, and peaceful relationship with food, their bodies, and their weight and discover the gifts that lie within their challenges. She helps her clients learn to care for themselves and move towards their goals in a way that results in lasting sustainable transformation and growth. For more information, see: www.thelovingweigh.com