Sliding Doors

I was recently on a plane with several hours to kill. My head was hard against the window, desperate for sleep but uncomfortable at every angle. My mind drifted as sleep was unfortunately not an option. Thoughts wandered back through time, and I imagined my life like the movie Sliding Doors.

I reflected back to when I was around 16, when I first developed Anorexia Nervosa. I began to imagine how my life would have been different if I hadn’t gotten sick. I imagined how life would have been if I hadn’t suffered with an eating disorder for more than 20 years.

My mind filtered back to school days. I realised that if I hadn’t lacked such low self-esteem and confidence that I wouldn’t have listened to my Year 10 English Teacher telling me I was a “C” grade student. I wouldn’t have accepted her scathing comments about my creative writing story, or say that I wasn’t good enough to do English Literature the following year.

I would have pursued my childhood dream to become a writer or a journalist.

I probably would have been moderately successful and happy in my job and attracted a healthy, balanced man, gotten married and had 4 kids (as I had always hoped for).

Instead I somehow managed to finish a marketing degree, then fell into many different jobs – hating every single one of them, was hospitalised on a long-term basis on three different occasions, and attracted very unbalanced men who were either emotionally unavailable, mentally wounded, physically and emotionally abusive, control freaks and/or suffered with their own addictions.

It was when I was in the most toxic relationship of all that I very surprisingly fell pregnant.

Being pregnant and eventually single led me to my long and continued journey of “working on myself”. This included acts of self-nourishment, learning who I genuinely am, working out my life mission and true life goals, and continually aiming to be the best person I can be every day. And the hardest part of all, of learning to love and accept myself unconditionally.

So I realized that although I could be living my dream of being married with 4 children, I could in fact be unhappily married or divorced or developed a different kind of illness. Essentially I could be completely miserable right now.

But in actual fact I’m actually 100% the happiest I’ve been in my entire life! I’m a single mum of a most divine 9 year old boy, living my life purpose, waking up healthy and energised, knowing I have an amazing family and incredible friends and I have zero worries or stress in my life. I love who I am and I love my life.

I realize that if I hadn’t developed Anorexia that I may never have done “the work”. I may never have found the sincere happiness I feel today. I believe that it’s not until you really work on yourself, to be the best person you can be, that you can truly live your life purpose, find your power, your passion, and your inner happiness.

I sincerely believe that until you love and accept yourself and are the best version of you, that life only begins to become magical and there’s only one golden framed sliding door to enter.

I’m the Nourishment Coach, sharing my stories, helping those with body image concerns, food and eating issues, and helping others find self-nourishment without food.

Nourishing wishes,
Susannah xo

Susannah McAlwey

Sensitive. Sanguine. Sincere.

I miraculously healed myself from a 25 year chronic combined anorexic/ bulimic/ binge eating disorder, despite numerous medical professionals telling me I would “never” recover!

My 25 years of hell was beyond a nightmare with infinite hospitalisations, almost dying from a potassium deficiency, lying to everyone I loved, feeling constant shame and guilt, not being truly connected to anyone, feeling misunderstood by everyone, avoiding any social situation around food, being unable to keep a job or relationship, despising myself every minute of every day, and not living the life I was meant to live – in supposedly some of the best years of my life.

I can tell you infinite stories of my addiction, as well as my road to recovery. I can tell you how I cured myself 100% with no lingering symptoms, and I can help you do the same!

I call myself “The Nourishment Coach” because I believe eating disorders, disordered eating, body image concerns and obsessions with food and weight stem from issues well beyond food and eating. I believe they can be cured by true self nourishment.